worrywort

to most people (i think) i must project that i am pretty in control of things. maybe?

so the oscar goes to...haha

ok. i am turning into a worrywort. well, not so much "turning into" but more like, going public with? i have always been a worrier. i don't know why. for example, i remember, as a six or seven year old who couldn't sleep (red-flag anyone?) that i would plan what i would save from my house if there were ever a fire. or where i would run if a giant were to attack my neighborhood. or what i would do if the aliens from sesame street that say "meep-meep" were to come for me. (remember, six or seven years old!)

so now i am a grown-up, and while my worried nature hasn't changed, my worries certianly have. and since i am not sure how much thearapy costs, or if its covered by insurance, i will take some of this out on you, the readers of this blog! (i heard somewhere that if you just put it out there, you feel better. so we will see. i can always un-post this if i change my mind....)

1. Am I a good enough parent?
(under this LARGE GOLF UMBRELLA topic are many subtopics...do i yell too much? get frustrated too fast? tell my kids enough positive things about them? let them watch too much tv? eat too much junk food? discipline consistantly? seem to favor one child or the other? rely on them too much for help (chores)? let them have enough "play" time? read to them enough? am i a good role model in all respects (nutrition, exercise, language, grammar, respect, manners...that list could go on forever!)? and many other things about parenting...)

2. Am I really happy in my job? i love the children that i work with. i really love (most) of the parents i come across. i enjoy the challenges, successes and hard work that it takes to help a kid achieve a goal. i like making learning fun. but, as anyone who has any inside knowledge of educaiton knows, those things are MAYBE 25-40 percent of your job. there is grading and lesson planning and committee meetings and spec. ed meetings and department meetings and vertical meetings and staff dev. meetings, and the paperwork....and the docmentation to prove that you are doing what you say you are doing, and how the children are doing with what your are doing, and the testing....which leads to number three....

3. if not teaching, what else? i am thinking nursing....there are some programs i am looking into, offers many of the same perks as teaching...of course, you work summers.....so that is on my mind alot....

these are just three of the things taking up space in my head every day, all the time, completely separate from the part of the brain that takes care of (or is supposed to take care of) the daily grind, and apart from the part that worries about finances (from small...saving at the store with coupons to the big...layoffs, college for three kids at the same damn time) ...and also apart from the feeling part of my brain, cause if i stop to factor how all this feels i wind up posting a cathartic blog entry in a frantic, stressed out tone.....


when really, it will all work out.....i just have to relax? right?
i am going to bed...i feel a little better!