to most people (i think) i must project that i am pretty in control of things. maybe?
so the oscar goes to...haha
ok. i am turning into a worrywort. well, not so much "turning into" but more like, going public with? i have always been a worrier. i don't know why. for example, i remember, as a six or seven year old who couldn't sleep (red-flag anyone?) that i would plan what i would save from my house if there were ever a fire. or where i would run if a giant were to attack my neighborhood. or what i would do if the aliens from sesame street that say "meep-meep" were to come for me. (remember, six or seven years old!)
so now i am a grown-up, and while my worried nature hasn't changed, my worries certianly have. and since i am not sure how much thearapy costs, or if its covered by insurance, i will take some of this out on you, the readers of this blog! (i heard somewhere that if you just put it out there, you feel better. so we will see. i can always un-post this if i change my mind....)
1. Am I a good enough parent?
(under this LARGE GOLF UMBRELLA topic are many subtopics...do i yell too much? get frustrated too fast? tell my kids enough positive things about them? let them watch too much tv? eat too much junk food? discipline consistantly? seem to favor one child or the other? rely on them too much for help (chores)? let them have enough "play" time? read to them enough? am i a good role model in all respects (nutrition, exercise, language, grammar, respect, manners...that list could go on forever!)? and many other things about parenting...)
2. Am I really happy in my job? i love the children that i work with. i really love (most) of the parents i come across. i enjoy the challenges, successes and hard work that it takes to help a kid achieve a goal. i like making learning fun. but, as anyone who has any inside knowledge of educaiton knows, those things are MAYBE 25-40 percent of your job. there is grading and lesson planning and committee meetings and spec. ed meetings and department meetings and vertical meetings and staff dev. meetings, and the paperwork....and the docmentation to prove that you are doing what you say you are doing, and how the children are doing with what your are doing, and the testing....which leads to number three....
3. if not teaching, what else? i am thinking nursing....there are some programs i am looking into, offers many of the same perks as teaching...of course, you work summers.....so that is on my mind alot....
these are just three of the things taking up space in my head every day, all the time, completely separate from the part of the brain that takes care of (or is supposed to take care of) the daily grind, and apart from the part that worries about finances (from small...saving at the store with coupons to the big...layoffs, college for three kids at the same damn time) ...and also apart from the feeling part of my brain, cause if i stop to factor how all this feels i wind up posting a cathartic blog entry in a frantic, stressed out tone.....
when really, it will all work out.....i just have to relax? right?
i am going to bed...i feel a little better!
3 comments:
Damn girl, your making my head spin with so much worry. But worry you do and it's a healthy part of most people's lives, as long as we don't let it get out of hand and I don't believe you do. You ask yourself all those questions about being a good and proper parent. That pretty much should tell you that you care enough about your children to worry about it,and since you care enough you will alawys make honest attempts at doing whats right for them. I say attempt---because we are all only humans, we make mistakes, we let our guard down sometimes and thats ok. I might suggest to you though that you stop making those kids wear those silly helmets while out on their bikes of roller skates. You gonna make worry warts out of them--not to mention make em the neighborhood sissys. :-)
If your not happy with your job--and don't want to stay--get out. Now is a tough time to be changing jobs--but you mentioned nursing and there will always be a demand for good nurses. You think you do paperwork now and attend plenty of useless meetings--become a nurse and you'll see you aint gonna get away from it in there. Most nursing positions, such as the ones May are in require a nursing experience in several different departments of the hospital..so working in emergency room for example and in cardiac care, and some other floors really help to move you up the ladder in nursing. One final note--go for the master degree in nursing. Lvn's wipe butts, change bed pans, etc etc and don't get paid much or moved up much. There is just no place to move up to. A good RN with a master degree can earn between 40 and 60 dollars an hour once they get up into top director postitions. But I will vouch for those nurses that they do work long hard hours and be forewarned you should have back up baby sitters to use in case your regular back up baby sitters can't cover for your regular baby sitter. When nurses are on the schedule to work, they expect them there or else patient care suffers and it also can create dangerous situations where patients can even die.
As for therapy, you never see a motorcycle parked outside a psychologist office. HEHE Thats why I alwas took my truck during my visits and left my bike at home. HEHE
I have read somewhere that women posts or say things not looking for someone to help fix whats bothering them, but just to get it off their chest and go on. If this is one of those posts--then just ignore everything I just said. :-) Your doing ok--relax. As the old saying goes--"Ain't no one getting out of this alive." Now--I'm gonna go and try and take my own advice. Love you.
you know we get 12 free sessions as part of our wellness pkg....i need to use them up before i leave....you know, just in case
here's the worst part...you notice i didn't even touch on $, health, family issues or bob's job, right?
(cause those are the other CONSTANT worries in my mind...i only touched on the additional worries i have) how sad am i? maybe i do need those 12 sessions mon!
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