let me count the ways....

today has been rough. i'm not really sure why.

you would think that after two years of doing this on my own, i'd be over it all by now. and alot of the time i am.

until i'm not.

and then it comes crashing down, and its so so hard.

its hard because i didn't want any of this.

its hard because i get so tired.

its hard because at times, i feel like such a failure, and i know that however all this turns out, the way my little monsters turn out, its to my credit (or fault)....today its feels like my fault

its hard because i don't want to feel so jealous of my happily married friends. i don't want to feel jealous of their relationships, support, partnership, companionship, and sadly, sometimes what they have (or their kids) have the opportunity to do......

its hard because after two years, people get tired of listening to you whine

its hard because i still don't understand

its hard because i don't want to be a single mom of three kids, and i just want to stamp my feet and scream "its not fair. somebody, make this right!"

isn't that just awful?

maybe tomorrow will be better and i will take my pity-party post down.